Chapter Five

I’m dreaming that I’m dancing. There’s music playing and people all around me. They don’t look at me, they don’t notice me at all. I try to get their attention but the more I try the further they seem to get from me. I stop dancing and start walking towards them but they just move faster, and I’m not just walking anymore, I’m running, and everyone is disappearing around me faster than I can keep up, and I know it won’t be long until I will be completely alone and it’s terrifying and I run faster and faster but it’s no use. I stop running, and stand in the darkness alone. She comes for me then, like always. She screams at me, or at herself, or maybe both. Her voice is distressed and full of madness; Get out! Get out! I’ll kill you if you don’t get out! She grabs me, still screaming, and that suffocating feeling tears at my mind. She consumes me, a void of anger and pain, infecting everything it touches. I don’t know what to do, I never know what to do, so I let the fear take over, and it fights back, devouring the anger and the pain and the woman it belongs to, and now I’m the one who’s screaming, alone again in the dark…

I wake up jarringly and a sharp pain shoots across my head.

‘Easy there, try not to move.’

I know that voice. It takes my swollen brain much longer than it should to match it to a name. ‘Iver?’

‘Yeah, it’s me, you’re all right, just take it easy,’ he replies.

My eyes try to take in my surroundings. Iver comes into focus, sitting on the small table next to the bed. I don’t recognise the room. It’s bare and quite small, and the roof slants down awkwardly. ‘Where are we?’ I ask, my mind still trying to piece together what happened.

‘Somewhere safe.’

The words spark a flame and the memories of last night come flooding back. ‘Iver, we have to do something! He’s insane, he killed all those people and-‘ I freeze. ‘Blue,’ I say in little more than a whisper. I look straight at Iver. ‘Where’s Blue?’

I can tell something is wrong straight away. Iver looks guarded, and his eye’s can’t seem to meet mine. ‘She’s gone, Solis,’ he says, his voice weak.

I don’t move an inch. ‘What the fuck do you mean, she’s gone?’ My voice is somewhere between a whisper and a scream.

He meets my eyes. ‘She killed Ezekiel.’ The words rush out of him like an open floodgate. ‘She tried to stop him and the others, I’m not quite sure how it happened, all I know is that Ezekiel ended up on the ground with the rest, and Blue was there, standing over him.’

‘What happened to her?’ I ask again.

‘She tried to get you, she flew right up to you, and then Jhon had her blocked. Kara and the others were right behind, I’ve never seen someone look the way Kara did then…’ He trails off for just a moment. ‘And then it was strange, Jhon started shouting, screaming at the others to stop her, and then she was just gone. One minute she was there, and the next she wasn’t, faster than you can blink. Jhon had a meltdown, Kara is leading the other creators on a search for her right now. Not sure if they’ll find her, but I tell you, if Kara does then things aren’t going to end well.’

I take it all in, letting my brain digest what’s happened. She’s alive. That is enough for now, it has to be. I let the panic inside me fade, just a little. ‘Where are we, Iver?’

‘Not far from the Firmament.’

‘And Jhon?’

I can tell from the way Iver looks at me that he understands what I’m asking. ‘He’s the one that brought you here. He doesn’t

want you interfering.’

‘Interfering with what?’ I ask, with fear threaded heavily through my voice.

‘Look, whatever happened with Blue, it messed him up a bit Solis, the guy’s got half the city out hunting for her. He’s not going to let you leave until it’s over.’

‘And how does he plan to do that, Iver!’ I say threateningly, moving off the bed and onto my feet. ‘Are you supposed to be the one that stops me?’ Panic still swells within me, but I look right at Iver with a level and daring stare.

‘I’m just here to talk,’ he says, in the same exhausted voice as before. ‘The others, though…’ He looks out over my shoulder at the doorway behind me. I spin around and see Solomon, as hulking and threatening as ever, standing just outside the small room. There are others beside him, I don’t recognise any faces.

Solomon speaks up quickly, ‘you’re not the only one who wants to get out of this place,’ he says in his deep gravelly voice. ‘They’ll find her soon, until then, do us all a favour and try not to be as stupid as usual.’

I feel white hot rage burning within me. ‘You won’t get to leave this place Solomon, you’ll die here.’

His face hardens, the people around him tense in anticipation, and I feel my body flood with the thrill of a fight.

‘Solis!’ Iver shouts my name loudly, and desperately. It holds me right on the edge. ‘Jhon’s coming, soon. If you really want to help Blue then you need to still be breathing when he gets here.’

I teeter, half of my mind on solid ground, the other half already fallen.

Solomon seems to be able to make his mind up before I do. ‘Nobody’s dying, not just yet. We’ve got this place surrounded, you’ve got no choice, just wait it out.’ And with that he turns and walks from the doorway, his people following. I hear the heavy thuds of Solomon’s walk fade away, but the footsteps of the others stop after only a few moments, remaining close by in the hall.

Iver sighs, ‘Come on, sit back down. You’re still injured, remember?’ He tries a weak smile. I turn my back to the doorway, but I don’t sit down.

‘You knew what was going to happen last night.’ It isn’t a question, and Iver doesn’t give an answer. We stay where we are, silent for what feels like a very long time.

‘You should probably eat,’ he says. The words startle me, cutting through the silence unnaturally. ‘And when was the last time you drank some water?’ I shrug numbly, not really sure what the answer is. Iver steps forward with a glass of water stretched out in his hand. I take it. The water is clear but the glass is slightly shaded, and parts of it are much more rough than others.

‘You don’t do much creating outside of collectives do you?’ It wasn’t an insult, just an observation.

Iver laughs, ‘Not all of us have your natural talent Solis, why do you think I spend so much time around collectives in the first place?’ He says it jokingly, teasing himself a little. It’s an old banter between us, during late nights in bed, where I would make fun of him for being so bad at creating, for being just another person flocking to a collective for a taste of real power. Nothing about it is funny anymore. I finally see Iver clearly, and I know why he follows a man like Jhon.

--- I don’t know how long we wait. There are no windows in the room and no natural light from the hallway. The room is dark, not that it matters. Our senses are the easiest things to change. They are instinctive desires, and they adapt to our needs now, creating sight in darkness. It happens subconsciously, like breathing.

When Jhon finally gets here, the first thing I do is watch his eyes. They give away the answer I’ve been looking for. There is still a trace of anger, and frustration, lurking behind them. They haven’t found Blue.

‘Very sorry to keep you waiting, but I had pressing matters that required my attention.’ He speaks with a learned etiquette, years of living within a world divided from the vast majority.

‘I’ll bet you did,’ I reply, levelly.

He gives me the briefest consideration before seeming to make up his mind about something. ‘Let’s go Solis, we can talk out in the courtyard. Bit of fresh air and a break from this room will do you good.’ He turns and walks back out of the door.

I stare blankly after him, then I glance at Iver, who ushers me with raised eyebrows and a nod, to follow. I leave the room and follow Jhon down the hall.

The courtyard is through an arched door, off to the right hand side at the end of the corridor. It’s surprisingly nice. Brick walls enclose it on every side and they are covered in mosses and thick, twisting vines. There is a small clay fountain in the centre of it that has long since dried up, with benches circling around it. Jhon sits on the bench to the left hand side of the fountain. I sit on the one closest to the door. I keep my gaze in front of me, and away from him.

‘You know, it’s funny how many times over the years I’ve had to sit down with someone and tell them that they were right and I was wrong,’ Jhon says. I stay quiet, eyes in front. ‘There was one time where, not only did I have to tell one of my oldest friends and colleagues that he had been right all along, but I also had to tell him that I had been so immensely wrong that he was going to be ruined by it - had to be.’ He speaks with a practiced apathy. ‘Still, I quite enjoy these conversations. They happen just rarely enough to keep a bit of excitement in the whole thing.’ I can see him looking at me through the corners of my eyes and I feel the temptation to meet his gaze, to get a sense of just how excited he really is to be sitting here with me.

But I keep my eyes on the fountain.

‘The people at the collective last night - they were thriving. You showed them a new way, and they rose like wayward souls to greet you.’ He sounds at ease, and genuine. ‘They chose to create something they could all share in. I found the whole thing quite moving.’

‘I think a lot of them felt the same way,’ I say vacantly, ‘before they died.’

‘Yes well, a change in leadership was needed,’ Jhon says, matter of factly. ‘You did, exactly what I needed you to. You turned the people of this city into the most powerful collective I’ve ever seen. But of course, it was to be my collective.’ As he talks, the fountain begins to flow. Water appears in a clear, smooth stream, and the fountain churns to life. It makes me lose my focus, just for a second, but long enough to accidentally look over at Jhon. Our eyes meet, and I turn away quickly, but not before I see him give me a knowing, self-gratifying, smile. ‘The whole city saw you abandon them. They watched each other fall right out of the sky, and do you know what they were thinking about? Because I do Solis,’ he pauses for effect. ‘They were thinking about themselves.’ Over the noise of the bubbling fountain, I can hear the sound of the people hitting the ground, echoing distantly in my mind. My stomach clenches sickeningly. ‘Now they will do what people always do.’ He continues, with an air of finality. ‘They will follow the one with the power, the person with the biggest stick’

‘Just like that is it?’ I ask, ‘kill a bunch of people and own the rest?’ It’s my turn to fake a smile. ‘What’s that saying again? If it looks like bullshit and smells like bullshit...’

Jhon loses some of the edge to his calmness. ‘It’s already done. News has spread quickly, the entire city knows who we are and what we can do. Half of them have already come right out and aligned themselves with me publically.’

‘So what are we doing here? Why talk to me at all, you got what you wanted,’ I say furiously.

‘Ah well, there’s an easy answer to that,’ Jhon replies. ‘We are here because we need to talk about Blue.’

--- The fountain bubbles along, and the sound of splashing water fills the small courtyard with a soothing, serene feeling. But my heart thunders in my chest and my stomach feels sick with fear.

‘What about Blue?’ I ask, with as much indifference as I can.

Jhon sighs, but he doesn’t try overly hard to hide his frustration, ‘that friend of yours really got herself into a messy situation.’

‘Because of Kara?’ I ask.

‘I haven’t the faintest interest in Kara’s little vendetta, as far as I’m concerned it was Ezekiel’s fault for being careless. No, the trouble with Blue is that she tried to help people, and many of them saw her doing it.’

‘I don’t understand, she didn’t stop anything. Like you said, it’s already done right?’ I try to sound distant, to keep the desperation out of my voice. But Jhon looks at me like I’m already on my knees and begging.

‘People saw her, Solis,’ is all he says.

‘They saw her fail,’ I answer.

‘You of all people know how easily influenced people can be. All it takes is one small shift, and it will spread through them like a plague. It’s the way it’s always been, and the stakes are much higher now. There is no room anymore for loose ends, no matter how small the thread.’

I let a bit of silence span the gap between his words and mine. ‘Are you going to kill her?’ I’m watching his eyes, and they crease around the edges as he gives a brief but believable frown. ‘Of course not, that would hardly fix my situation would it. No, I need Blue away from the people, somewhere I can keep an eye on her. The last thing I need is to give them a martyr.’ He sounds quite genuinely frustrated as he continues, ‘that’s why I need your help Solis, I can’t trust Kara and her lot to do this, professionally shall we say. They’ve taken the whole thing quite personally.’

‘How annoying of them,’ I reply.

‘Funny. But yes, quite accurate,’ says Jhon, ‘fortunately, I am quite confident that the two of us can find Blue long before this problem of ours becomes an actual problem.’

‘You want me to find her?’

‘And you should want that too,’ he replies. ‘It’s the best outcome for Blue.’

‘Obviously besides never having to see any of us ever again you mean?’

‘Obviously.’

We both sit and watch the fountain.

My head is filled with a million different things. They rattle around, tearing holes in one another until there is nothing but shredded thoughts left. All except one.

My first memory…

‘We have to find Blue,’ I say to Jhon. He smiles.

--- Jhon and I leave the house together. Iver and Solomon are told to go back to the Firmament, their help ‘won’t be needed’ as Jhon puts it. It is a surreal feeling, walking side by side with a man I both hate and fear in equal measure. Jhon seems perfectly at ease, taking quick, light steps to match my stride. We head back into the city, towards home. Not for any particular reason, just because it seems like a good place to start.

‘So, tell me about this friend of yours,’ Jhon asks casually, ‘I must admit, I regret not taking the time to get to know her properly when I had the chance.’

‘There’s not much to tell, I barely know her myself,’ I reply.

‘Come now, I’ve seen the way you are with her. You know her, at least in parts. Any information is helpful. And I do have a certain… curiosity.’

I don’t answer. I keep my eyes on the road and I think about Blue.

‘You really are a terrible conversationalist, did you know that?’ Jhon says. ‘Alright, I’ll ask directly. Last night Blue did something that remains a bit of a mystery to me. I was hoping you could shed some light on the matter.’

‘I doubt it,’ I say, ‘but since you’re just going to keep talking at me you might as well ask what you need to ask and get it over with.’

If Jhon is angry, he doesn’t show it. ‘You’re one of the best creators I’ve ever met Solis, so tell me, how is it that Blue has turned out to be so much better than you?’

I let him wait a while for my answer, just because. ‘I didn’t know she was, like I said, I don’t know much about her. I thought I did, or maybe it just felt like I did. Either way, I can’t help you Jhon, you’ll just have to ask her yourself.’ Even as I say the words, I know, I’ll never help Jhon get close enough to Blue for the chance to ask her anything. I’ll fake concern and mimic effort, but I won’t serve up another person to fall at Jhon’s feet.

‘There’s nothing I’d like more,’ he replies, ‘but first we need to find her. So tell me, where would Blue go to feel safe?’

My mind brings up memories of the two of us, the ones from late at night, and from the warm mornings that followed. And then it shows me the very first memory, of a raging crowd and a thundering heart. And the girl who silenced it all. ‘There is one place, I’m not sure if we’ll find her there, but it’s all I’ve got at the moment.’

‘That sounds like a good a plan as any,’ says Jhon,

I lead us through the city, more lost than I can to admit. Not for the first time, I think about how empty it feels, how vacant. The city used to hold millions of people, spreading endlessly outwards and upwards to support such an abundance of life. Now only a skeleton crew remains. You can walk for hours, and not see a single soul. If ever there was a place to disappear, to hide completely, and permanently, this city was it. If she isn’t at the factory, at Eden, then I’m never going to find her. And if she is… I turn to look at Jhon. He still has that ill-fitted smile, and he walks like a man out on a pleasant morning stroll. But he’s watching me, his eyes stay close, never landing on me directly but never fully letting me out of sight. He doesn’t trust me. I glance over at his throat and think about how much time I would need to create a knife and slice it open.

Too long. A man like him would not be here if there was any chance that I could pose a threat. I can’t fight him, not head on. What I need is a distraction, just enough to take his attention away from me, if only for a moment. I realise I already know what I have to do, even before I’d finished asking myself how to do it.

There is one thing, one moment ahead of us, that would definitely take Jhon’s eyes off me.

I grit my teeth reactively, and increase my pace, resigned to using the last person I have left, as bait. I still can’t decide what I want more, to find Blue there, or to never find her.

--- The red door looks much less enticing in the daylight, without the sound of a collective swelling behind it. In the light it shows its age and its decay, the paint chipping at the edges, and the colour fading around its center. Jhon looks up at the towering warehouse, ‘I take it the pair of you met here? Strange, I had assumed you’d known each other for much longer than that. Again, I regret not taking a further interest in your little relationship sooner, it has proven to be quite the oversight.’

‘Yeah well, don’t beat yourself up, you were busy exploiting me for your own sick power trip remember? Could’ve happened to anyone.’

‘You know,’ says Jhon, contentiously, ‘You really need to learn when to turn off that little voice in your head that keeps trying to get you killed.’ He says it like he is given sound advice to a dear friend in need. The back of my neck tingles as a wave of fear runs through my body. I push open the door and head inside.

The first thing I think as I’m standing in that immense space on the factory floor is that it looks much bigger in my memories. The second thing I think of is Blue. My eyes scan the space, searching for any sign. And I keep myself close to Jhon, my muscles twitching, adrenaline flowing, ready to seize my chance.

But it never comes. Blue is not here.

I call out her name, it echoes back at me from the walls and the rafters. But there is no reply.

‘I guess this place holds a little more meaning for one of you than the other,’ says Jhon.

Relief floods through me. I let out a sigh. Good, I think to myself, stay away Blue, stay as far away as you can.

The sound of running footsteps cuts into the silence.

We both turn towards the hallway. Someone is sprinting towards us. My heart races, my muscles tense, and I set my mind to what I need to do next. But it’s not Blue who bursts out of the hall. It’s Kara, out of breath, but looking exhilarated. Jhon speaks to her in a cold voice, ‘I take it that it worked then?’

Kara grins at him, ‘She showed herself tailing you just a few blocks back, you were right on the money Jhon,’ she wipes the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. It leaves a smear of blood behind. Her knuckles are covered in it, and it isn’t her own. ‘We got her,’ she says with a manic smile.

I hear ringing in my ears, and the bellowing of my own raging heart.