Closing

“Adam?” He heard his name being called as if from a great distance away.

“Adam?”

That was Gen’s voice wasn’t it?

“Adam?”

And that was definitely Moan’s.

A heavy hand touched his shoulder and he jumped in fright, his attention snapping back from the far away place his mind had been adrift in, and landing on the concerned face of Moan.

“You did it man,” said Moan as if he could barely believe it. “You killed it!”

“I didn’t kill it,” hissed Adam, and Moan withdrew his hand from Adam’s shoulder like it had burnt him. “I saved it… I brought it back… inside.”

Adam could tell his choice of words had frightened Moan, noticing how his eyes widened as he shuffled back a few paces. Is that what Moan saw when he looked at Adam now? Did he think the Nightmare was still here, just hiding beneath its own maker’s skin?

“Just like what you did with those other ones, right? The ones under the house?” Gen’s voice didn’t have a trace of fear in it. She stepped around Moan and came to Adam’s side. “I think that’s good. It’s just like my bees. They only get hurt out here. It’s better for them to stay inside,” and she placed her palm over her chest.

Adam fought back tears and smiled at Gen, unable to say just how much her words meant to him.

“Yeah, yeah that makes sense,” said Moan, taking his cue from Gen and visibly relaxing, “sometimes we gotta keep our imagination to ourselves you know.”

Adam smiled at Moan too, grateful to be seen as himself again. But the moment was quickly soured by a low groan coming from the hole in the wall that Adam and the Nightmare had made. All three of them called out at the exact same moment - “Ridley!” Then they were scrambling over broken plasterboard, climbing through the hole, and back into Adam’s bedroom.

Ridley was still on the ground where he’d fallen, but he wasn’t thrashing about any more. He lay still but tensed, eyes half closed, another low groan escaping through his pursed lips. Adam knew from his own visceral experience what Ridley must be going through. The long rise from whatever depths the Nightmare had trapped him in. He knelt down beside Ridley, unsure if he could help, but feeling obligated to try.

If the Nightmare could inject its own fear into others, then maybe he could give them something else, the same thing he found while trapped in his own depths. He supposed Iris would have called it courage.

Adam reached down and held Ridley by the shoulders, just as the Nightmare had done. He recalled how it had felt to be so overwhelmed by fear, yet allowing it to pass through him, to let go of its hold and understand that it is just a fleeting thing, no more a part of you than any other feeling. Once he had this firmly in his mind, he imagined it flowing into Ridley, replacing the corrupted fear the Nightmare had left behind. Ridley’s body began to glow in a faint white light, as if his body had been coated in some sort of bioluminescence. Then the light faded, and he was Ridley again.

Slowly, as if waking from a sedated sleep, Ridley opened his eyes. He looked at Adam, a flicker of recognition on his face. “That… wasn’t fun,” he croaked in a voice strained from screaming. Gen squealed in delight and dived on Ridley, locking him in a tight hug that caused another groan of pain to escape his lips, but it was quickly replaced with a smile. “I’m the one that’s supposed to worry about little runts like you, not the other way round.”

Gen glared up at him but didn’t release him from her hug. “I am not a runt! And I wasn’t the one that got caught by the Nightmare, was I?”

“Guess that’s true,” sighed Ridley, his normal composure returning with each passing second. He looked up at Adam. “I guess I owe you one, Wildfire. I don’t know how you did it but I felt - something - and I knew it was you. I’m not sure I ever would’ve shaken that off on my own.” A shadow fell over his face, and Adam knew he was recalling that horrible, suffocating feeling of being trapped down below.

“You would have, sooner or later. I just wanted it to be sooner.”

Ridley grinned, “that makes two of us. I feel like the longer you’re in that place, the harder it is to get out.” A knowing look passed between them, and Adam knew they were sharing the exact same thought. “So, what now then?”

It was a strange sensation for Adam to have all three of them looking at him for an answer. It frightened him, and he felt a familiar impulse to run and hide from anything that made him feel this way. But it was a quiet impulse, a whisper in the back of his mind, and Adam found it easy enough to ignore.

“First, I need some help fixing this place up before my dad comes home,” he said, hoping that they wouldn’t pick up on the bitterness in his voice. A memory from that long forgotten night flashed before him and he knew he was going to have to confront his father about what had happened that night - and about what he knew about his mum - but right now, there were more pressing things to worry about. “Then… we’re going to go and get Cora back.”

Dorian Aetos didn’t look at all surprised to see them knocking at his front door in the middle of the night, and Adam knew what that must mean.

“She’s getting better, isn’t she?”

Dorian surveyed Adam, and he recognised the look - that subconscious weighing and measuring of a person’s worth. Only this time, for the first time in Adam’s life, it seemed Dorian actually saw something of note in him. “She has settled into a more… natural rest,” he said, and they could all hear the deep relief in his voice. “Iris says that whatever was holding her in that terrible state has gone.” He locked eyes with Adam. “Have you truly managed to destroy it then?”

“No,” Adam said quickly before the others could interject, “but it’s gone now I swear, gone for good. And I can help bring Cora back.”

“It’s true, he can,” said Ridley, speaking to Dorian with a level of respect Adam had never heard him use before. “He brought me back, after the Nightmare… you know…” He trailed off, but Dorian seemed to have already made up his mind. He stepped aside to let them into the entrance hall.

“Then let’s go see what the Wildfire can do.”

As Adam walked past the tall man, he sensed the latent hostility that still emanated from him. He may have accepted Adam as the Wildfire, but he had not forgiven him. He trusted him enough to help Cora, but no further. Adam knew how Dorian must see him; unpredictable, uncontrollable, and a threat in every conceivable way. Whether Adam wanted it or not, Dorian had set himself firmly against him, and declared them enemies in all but words. As Adam made his way towards the stairs, a cold shiver ran down his spine at the thought of having Dorian somewhere behind his back. He glanced over his shoulder to see Dorian shut the front door and slide the deadbolt into place with a heavy thump. He forced himself to turn back to the stairs and think of Cora. Whatever Dorian had in store for him, it could wait. Right now they both wanted the same thing.

Cora’s bedroom door was open. As Adam and the others entered the room, Elena and Iris rose from their chairs beside the bed, both of them looking tired, but happy.

“She is making her way back to us,” said Iris, smiling at Adam like few adults ever had. It took him a moment to recognise that she was proud of him.

“I can help her the rest of the way,” said Adam, looking between Elena and Iris for their permission. Both women gave him a courteous nod, and Iris stepped aside to make room for Adam to approach. Cora was lying in bed, no longer thrashing about like the last time he’d seen her, but still clearly troubled, her face furrowed into a grimace and her body twitching in agitation. Just as he’d done with Ridley, he took a moment to remember exactly how he’d felt when he’d freed himself from the Nightmare, then he reached out and held Cora’s hand. He lost his focus for a moment as the warmth and softness of her skin demanded his full attention - but he shoved that thought aside and brought his mind back to the task at hand. He imagined the transfer of his feelings into her through their point of contact, visualising it removing the last of the Nightmare’s presence within her, and he heard Elena gasp as Cora’s body began to glow in a faint white light. Then the light faded, and Adam knew she was herself again. Unlike Ridley, who came back to consciousness almost at once, Cora first settled into a true sleep. Her face relaxed, her body stilled, and she let out a faint sigh of relief.

“Cora,” Adam whispered, beginning to fear he had done something wrong.

“She’s resting… peacefully at last,” answered Iris. “It will take her some time to recover. We should let her sleep.”

Dorian’s cold voice came from the doorway. “How do we know that she’s really returned, and that there isn’t… permanent damage?”

As if she’d heard, Cora answered in a voice that broke and wavered on each word. “There is no greater certainty than the outcome of challenging an Aetos.” Her eyes were lined with exhaustion and she stared past Adam and the others to find her father. “I’m sorry… I failed.”

Dorian looked back at his daughter, completely silent for a few drawn-out seconds. Then he strode into the room and right up to Cora’s bedside, forcing Adam to scramble backwards out of the way. “You did as any Aetos would’ve done. You protected those who couldn’t protect themselves.” His eyes darted to Adam and back, so fast it was hard to say it happened at all. “You upheld the Aetos name. I am s…” Dorian froze on the verge of saying something Adam was certain he’d never said before. “I’m very proud of you, my daughter,” he finished instead. Cora seemed to have heard the meaning beneath the words her father could not say. She smiled weakly up at him, and then stopped resisting the pull towards sleep. They all stood there watching her, no one wanting to be the one to interrupt the moment. At last Dorian turned away from her to stare down at Adam.

“Come with me, Wildfire,” he said with deliberate distaste. “There are others who have suffered by your hand even longer than my daughter. The least you can do is not make them wait any longer.”

The lateness of the night and the impact of all that had happened was weighing heavily on Adam at this point, but he followed Dorian without complaint to undo the rest of the damage his Nightmare had done. He would have thought the hardest part would be facing Marcus Kirk in the hospital, but it turned out to be a relief. Days of being trapped inside by the Nightmare had taken its toll on Marcus. Adam wasn’t sure how much longer a person could survive in that state, and he did all he could to undo the damage. They left both Marcus and the Inferno whose name Adam had never learned resting peacefully. Then Adam went home, and his father was there waiting for him.

Jacob Ledger had been drinking. He was sitting on the couch in their living room, and let Adam come to him. He had no idea what’d happened to his house early that very night, because Adam and his friends had put the place back together with the utmost care. But he knew something was wrong, because never in his life had he returned home to find his son’s room empty.

“And where’ve you been?” he barked at Adam the moment he stepped through the living room door.

“I was just at a friend’s - we lost track of time,” said Adam, and he flinched as Jacob let out a hoarse laugh.

“That’s what you’re going with? A friend’s? You’ve never been good at lying boy. This like that ‘accident’ the other day? What are you hiding from me?”

Memories from the buried past surged into the forefront of his mind once more - his parents locked in a violent struggle - the white lightning all around them. And his father dared ask him that question? Adam heard his own voice screaming inside his head: what are YOU hiding from ME!

He glared at his father, radiating an intense fury neither of them had expected. Jacob seemed to sober up under the heat of such anger from his usually timid son.

“You got something to say to me?” he asked, but there was none of the confrontational tone from before. In fact, Jacob sounded almost… worried. Could it even be fear, Adam wondered, and the novelty of such a thing from a father who’d only ever shown him anger incited Adam’s own.

“I’ve got nothing to say to you.” And he meant it. How could he even begin to have a real conversation with someone who’d avoided one with him for years? It was a skill he’d never learned. He didn’t even know where to begin.

“Then what is all this,” said Jacob, gesturing at Adam. “I’ve never seen you look so…”

“Look so what?”

“Look so much like me!”

Adam felt those words like Jacob had physically struck him. “I’m nothing like you! Nothing!” He was screaming now, broiling with rage like he never had before. A small awareness in the back of his mind recognised how much better it felt to be consumed by this instead of fear. “And neither was mum! Is that why you hated her, huh? Is that why you hate me? Well I’m glad mum left you, she deserved better, and so do I! I’m going to find her and you’ll be all alone, just like you’ve always wanted.”

Adam turned and stormed out of the room. He made it a few paces into the hallway before his father’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Is that why you think she left? Because of me? She left because of you.”

Adam could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he stood there in the hallway, his back turned on his father. “You’re lying.”

“I showed you the note, didn’t I?” There was a desperation in Jacob’s voice that drew Adam back into the room as if in a trance, barely aware his legs were moving at all. Jacob was standing now, and when his eyes locked on Adam’s he was shocked to see them laden with shame. “I almost didn’t show it to you. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I didn’t know how to tell you… how to explain it…”

“I read the note,” said Adam, as if he was talking to himself. “She blames you - calls you a monster.”

Jacob shook his head, unable to maintain eye contact any longer. “Sit down, son, please.” He was full of nervous energy, and small cracks of white light began to spark in the air around him like static electricity. “If you want to talk about your mum, then fine. Let’s talk about her.” Adam was frozen in place, not daring to believe what he was seeing. “You want to know if she was like you, is that it? You want to know if she was a maker? Well she wasn’t.” The white sparks of electricity all around him began to look more like cracks of lightning. “She wasn’t like us. She could never understand, and when she found out about you, she… she…” Words failed him, and he reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his wallet. From deep within the centrefold he took out a tattered piece of paper - the note she’d written, crudely folded and crumpled almost to the point of tearing. He opened it up and held it out for Adam to take.

Adam didn’t move. He’d read that note, he didn’t need to read it again - never wanted to read it again. He’d barely made it to the end the first time before tears made reading impossible. Now he wondered if he’d even made it to the end… Did he really know what that note said?

With hands eerily steady, he took the note from his father, and began to read.

I’m so sorry. I never wanted this to happen but I can’t stay here. I can’t keep loving you. I’ve tried so hard, believe me I’ve tried, but there’s something wrong with you. Something that feels dangerous. I’m terrified I’m living with a monster and might wake up one night to find it coming for me. I have to leave. I can’t stay a moment longer, and I’m not coming back. Please forgive me Adam.

Was this really the note she’d written? It had been so long since he’d dared let himself remember it, could it be true? Had she really left because of him? Had she really never loved him?

The edges of his vision vanished into white light as thick cracks filled the air around him.

“Adam!” Jacob cried out, his anger mingled with his fear and shame as his own smaller cracks swelled in response to his son’s. “Stop this, before you make something dangerous!”

Something dangerous. Yes, he could do that, he knew that all too well. Mum was right, she was living with a monster, all this time… From deep within himself he felt it stirring, rising, filling the void within the cracks he’d created. The Nightmare was returning, and Adam knew it would be worse this time - not just fear, but rage and hate and maddening sadness that would make it capable of doing things the first Nightmare never could - capable of killing.

A skeletal thin hand reached out from within the largest crack, clawed nails already stained the deep colour of blood.

“Adam,” Jacob all but choked on the word. “I know I failed you. Just like I failed her. I wanted to protect you both, but… I hid what I am instead and I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. Please Adam, don’t do this.”

Sorry? Yes, that’s exactly what you’ll be, when my Nightmare arrives, thought Adam as he watched its arm emerging, watched its claws reaching towards Jacob’s pitifully soft flesh.

…I’m terrified I’m living with a monster and might wake up one night to find it coming for me…

For the first time in Adam’s life, he was glad his mum had left. That she’d escaped before her fear became reality. Before her monstrous son had come for her… Just like he was coming for his father now…

…there’s something wrong with you…

Was she right? Was this really who he was?

The last time he’d felt this helpless, he’d lost control and made a monster. And all it had caused him was more pain. Now he was doing it again, and it would be worse this time. There would be no undoing the damage this new monster would inflict upon the world.

Jacob was staring at the Nightmare as its head emerged from within the crack, the same eerie reflection of Adam’s own features, only now it had rows of razor-like teeth, with eyes completely blood-red, and a face twisted with violent rage that stripped away all trace of humanity, elevating it beyond anything Adam had made before - a pure monster.

The part of Adam that still felt like himself resisted. The cracks around him began to compress, and the Nightmare slowed as if stuck in quick-drying cement. It let out a screech of rage that sounded like something straight out of a horror movie, causing Jacob to stumble backwards onto the couch, and Adam’s veins to freeze over in fear. I cannot let this thing get out, he thought with chilling certainty, and he began fighting back with everything he had.

But it was like trying to hold back a flowing river with his bare hands. Untethered emotion swirled within him like a raging tempest, fuelling the Nightmare’s escape, inch by inch. Adam tried to gain control, but this was not like overcoming the first Nightmare. He had learnt how to let go of his fear, but this fusion of rage and hate and sadness would not just pass through him. It was already inhabiting him, making its home so deep within him that he was struggling to stop thinking of it as separate from him. It was becoming him, and he had no idea how to stop it.

I need help…

Adam thought of Cora and the others then. His friends gave him hope, but it was quickly swept aside by despair. They were too far away and in no condition to help even if they weren’t. His thoughts drifted to Dorian and his small army of makers, half hoping to see them come flying into the room dressed for war like they’d done in D block, but he knew no one was coming to rescue him. Even if they did, what could they do against this new Nightmare when they couldn’t even stop the first? They’d arrived too late and been too powerless last time, and he’d lost Cora, and Banter…

Amidst the storm of hateful rage within him, a small beacon of light flared to life… Banter.

If the Nightmare could return, stronger and fiercer than ever, then why couldn’t Banter? If he’d not yet plundered the depths of the darkest parts of himself, then surely the same was true for the brightest?

As the Nightmare continued to emerge, a new shadow began to form in a different crack on Adam’s other side. The two creations drew from different parts of Adam, and he felt like he was being torn in half, drawn into those cracks by the unstoppable forces feeding off his inner tempest. His darkest emotions fuelling the Nightmare, while his most hopeful fuelling the shadow, giving them form, and thought. Giving them life.

Adam could feel the darkness winning. Already so far ahead, and taking up so much space within him. He looked at his father, and found him staring straight back at him. Jacob’s eyes were deep wells of sadness, but a faint smile touched his lips. “She was wrong about you Adam.” His voice was soft but sure. “She never believed me, but I know it’s true. She was wrong.”

Memories flooded into Adam’s awareness, countless nights spent huddling under blankets trying to hide from his parents fighting - all those helpless moments where he’d wanted nothing more than to protect his mother - to storm in and hurt his father if that’s what it took, and this entire time it had been his father that was fighting for him. His father that was trying to protect him from the person they both loved most. A mother who simply couldn’t understand what she was seeing, or what her son was becoming. Adam finally understood why his father had chosen to hide what he was. In the end she’d left them both anyway, but his father had stayed.

The Nightmare stepped out of the crack and into reality. Its red eyes were locked on Jacob, its claws trembling in anticipation to rip into his flesh.

A bark like rolling thunder shook the house. A crack had swelled in size until it barely fit into the room and out of it leapt an enormous dog with fur like burning coals.

It was Banter, but not as Adam remembered him. He was larger than a lion, his fur so thick and shiny it almost looked like armour, the burning colours within it glinting in the light as if they really were made of fire. He moved like a path of mind, so fast the Nightmare did not even have time to turn before it was locked in Banter’s jaws. It thrashed about like a wild salmon caught in the jaws of a bear, slashing at Banter’s face with its claws. But unlike the last time they’d faced each other, Banter was now the one that far surpassed the other. The claws raked over him like leaves on steel, doing no damage at all. The enormous eyes of Adam’s greatest imaginary friend turned to him - icy blue, and full of understanding - Banter wagged his giant tail and let out a muffled bark that flooded Adam with warmth, purging away the emotions that had led to the monster now trapped between them. With one powerful leap, Banter launched himself back through the crack it had come from, taking the Nightmare with it.

The last of Banter’s fiery tail vanished into the white light just as the cracks compressed into thin splinters, then popped out of existence entirely.

A breath Adam wasn’t even aware he’d been holding finally released in a long, slow sigh. His body felt so exhausted he could barely keep himself standing. He swayed precariously on the spot, until strong arms wrapped themselves around him, and Adam fell into a tight hug from his father - the first he’d had since before his mum had left.

They stood there, father and son, embracing each other until the last of the tension had melted away.

“I should have talked to you about all this a long time ago,” said Jacob, his voice choking in parts. “It’s all my fault son - trying to hide what we are from your mum - trying to ignore it like it would just go away. All my fault.”

“You didn’t want to lose her.” It was all Adam could think to say.

“Yeah well, look how that turned out.” Jacob pulled back, keeping his hands on Adam’s shoulders so they could look at each other eye to eye. “From now on, I won’t hide anything from you, I promise Adam.”

“I won’t either,” said Adam, and he meant it.

Jacob smiled down at him. “That thing you made, the creepy one, it’s not coming back right?”

Adam shook his head. “It’s never coming back. But I think Banter will.”

“The dog?” Jacob raised an eyebrow. “Sure. Maybe just make him a little smaller next time.” They grinned at each other, and for the first time in Adam’s life, he felt like he was truly safe. Like there was nothing lurking beneath the house in the darkness.

Adam was done with making monsters.

It was time he learned how to make heroes.